Needing my own space

I've wanted to be a mum for a long as I can remember. I am one of those girls who believes in fairy tails, you meet the love of your life, fall in love, get married, have children and live happerly ever after but now I wonder what that happy every after is.

Don't get me wrong I love being a mum but I find it bloody difficult at times although I rarely admit this to anyone. I'm not sure what I expected but it's nothing like the reality I have. 

I am very lucky that J is a very good little boy most of the time, though he has already learnt how to play us and is a pickle at times. At night he sometimes gets himself over tired and then won't go down without a massive struggle. God only knows how Iife would be if he'd not been so good. I wonder how others cope sometimes? 

Everyday is full on I never really seem to get any of my own real time or space but this is my own fault really as I never let myself just relax. If I'm not of doing things for J or the house or for hubby then I'm on twitter or Facebook or playing candy crush. Finally I think it's all got too much and I find myself needing more space even so much so I'm considering going back to work early. 

It's not like I don't want to spend time with my son but for me 10hrs a day 7 days a weeks is a bit too much, actually if I spent that much time with anyone more than for a few weeks then it's too much for me. But what sort of mum does that make me saying I'd rather go back to work than spend time all my time with my son? I feel bad for saying that. 

Is it selfish of me to say I need space, I need my own life as well as being a wife and a mother? Don't get me wrong I do get time out but then I feel guilty after for not massively missing my son and enjoying myself. Is it a part of parenthood being racked with guilt all the time? 

I need some normality back in my life I need more of a routine for me, thats probably a weird thing to say. This scale has been well and truly tipped and I need to find a way of balancing it all out again. 

So how can I achieve this? Well for one I need to take a step back from social media and not get so obsessed by it and wrapped up in others lives.  As normally I wrap my self up in others rather than deal with my own issues, I have my own to life that I need live. I need to make sure I go to my fitness classes twice a week to give me some time out, but also I think I am going to look I to going back to work early, though I am ashamed to say this.

If you think this makes me a bad mum I'm sorry, everyone is different, I'm never going to be an earth mother. To me this is me trying to make my relationships with my husband and son better.