Feel like I've missed a huge milestone

It only seems about 2 weeks ago now that James started to take his 1st few steps alone and now fast forward to today and suddenly he's walking more confidently by himself. We gone from those few steps to him walking across the living room, the kitchen, the garden, actually everywhere. 

How did this happen? How did I miss this huge milestone? Suddenly it seems I don't have a baby any longer but a toddler. 

As we knew he's be walking soonish we recently popped into Clarks and got J measured up for his 1st proper pair of shoes. Along with these we took advertantage of the Clarks sales and brought another pair in the next size up

We've also seemed to have had a bit of a growth spurt so we've started cracking out the 12 month clothes and also purchased some pj's for him, suddenly putting him in sleepsuits seems a bit too babyish. 

The last massive milestone also happened today we finally moved J out of his stage 0 car seat into his stage 1 forward facing car seat. We made the decision a couple of month ago to buy a 2nd hand stage 1 car seat from a member of the family, It's a maxi-cosi Priory Xp. It's a lovely car seat and has a recline on it. The only downside is that it doesn't have great head support but thankfully Maxi cosi sell a head support. Just wish it came with the seat.

Where has my baby gone?

Where did the last year go?

I can't believe James is 1! Where has the last year gone?

It's been a complete roller coaster again, there have been some real lows but also some amazing highs. I have loved watching James develop into a little boy in the last year.

It's mad to think this time last year I was holding him in my arms for the very 1st time and now he barely wants a cuddle.

He's such a Daddy's boy too.

This month has been a been another massive development month. As predicted J has learnt how to stand by him self and is getting more daring. We've also had his 1st couple of solo steps, every day he seems to get a little more confidant.

This month has also seen us try cows milk for the very 1st time and some chocolate.

 

J also had his 1st official hair cut curtsy of his great Aunt 

And of course the final part of the month saw James celebrating his 1st Birthday. A while back I decided that I wanted to have a garden party and invite close friends and family to it. We also hired some soft play as J loves it but also I thought it would help entertain the older children. We decorated the garden in various banners and balloons and mummy made J a Giraffe Birthday cake.  

Happy 1st Birthday my little Pickle xx

When is the right age?

Ok this is a post I feel like I need to write.

I'm not sure if you may have picked up over my blog but I have somewhat struggled with the whole weaning thing with James, finally I thought I was getting somewhere and now I find some people telling me I need to move him onto what we eat. Somehow in my head I still can't quite get my head around that.

I was asked today was I a precious mum when it came to what I gave James? I said no but I still stick to certain things maybe guidelines I've heard or read somewhere like only giving a baby fully cooked eggs or honey until one.

Recently also I have seen various posts in various places of people giving their babies foods I would never dreamt of giving James a couple of months ago at the same age like ice-cream, chocolate etc. But it got me thinking why is that? Why do I feel thats not suitable? On Saturday in Mcdonalds hubby and I had a conversation about a happy meal, when is it suitable for a child to have one?

I really don't want James to be one of the UK statistics and become an over weight child but I do give him pouch food and not home cook, he has a wafer or biscuit most days so therefore by giving him that am I actually going to cause him to be that without really knowing it? I feel like it's a huge responsibility to teach him about healthy eating. I am lucky in the sense he gets healthy meals at nursery.

You so should get a massive handbook when you leave hospital after giving birth or at least get new chapters every month on how to progress to the next level. There are some great weaning guides and also some great choice in baby pouches when you 1st start but as time goes on the information and choice gets less and less. I don't have time to go and see the health visitor loads, I don't really see other NCT mums that often now I'm back at work but also I have found my self slipping back into the whole trap of feeling jealous of others and their little ones which I know is completely stupid.

I was brave the other week and offered James some sandwich soldiers but he wasn't keen on them. So what next how do I move from the pouches to more food like we have?

Please don't take offence by this post, sometimes I need to ramble on to find my own solution. I'm not questioning anyone but myself!!

PND

I'm not sure if this is the right time to write the post but maybe I feel I need to write it now in order to be able to move on a close this door in my life.

My biggest fear when I was pregnant was getting post natal depression. Depression has effected me in the past and normally I find I start sinking into depths when something significant changes in my life.

After James was born I watched for the signs and as the months went on things seemed ok, honestly looking back I think those 1st 6 months are actually a daze of craziness learning to cope with this little bundle you suddenly have.

I'm not sure what I expected but I certainly didn't and haven't taken to motherhood like I thought I would or even hoped I would. I'm quite a selfish person and like having my own space and suddenly I had this little baby who didn't know anything I/we had to teach him everything. 

Christmas came and went and suddenly I felt like I'd been hit by this massive fog, couldn't quite see though it, couldn't take anything in. I made the brave decision and talked to the health visitor at James's 6 month review, she suggested talking to my doctor. Talking to the DR was hard after a conversation we decided that I should be put on antidepressants (Sertraline 50mg) and also be referred to talking therapies. 

I have to say it took a good month for the Sertraline to kick in and suddenly I felt like the fog was lifting. Since January I have had some crazy months, James started nursery and I started back at my job which turned out to be very stressful. Within all of that I got though the referral for Talking Therapies and attended the 1st session a 1:1 meeting. 

Um how can I describe that meeting, well I was left with an action plan and this chart thing I had to fill in when I felt things were getting too much. To add to all this my maternity cover was still there so I had to share my job with a bloke that I didn't particularly like or have any respect for. So I decided that at that time talking therapies wasn't for me. 

Now 5 months on I've started feeling more back to my normal self again, my maternity cover has finally left and things at work are a little less crazy. I've seemed to have got into a good routine with James so things are finally starting to look ok. Oh bar the fact I have pretty much chronic back pain and pain down my left leg and the Sertraline has made developed twitches when I'm really tired but bar that i'm ok. Because of the twitches I've made the decision to start coming off the little white pill, I'm doing this by 1st reducing my dose at 1st by 1/2 each day then taking 1/2 every other day. (Please note I spoke to my DR before I took this route and this is what we decided was best) Soon I will stop them all together and hope that I feel ok. I won't be scared to go back on them though if need be.

I have definitely been lucky having only a mild case of PND. Tablets have helped me but they might not help everyone. You need to find what works for you but know you're never alone out there, there are women all across the world who suffer with PND and are happy to talk about it.