PND

I'm not sure if this is the right time to write the post but maybe I feel I need to write it now in order to be able to move on a close this door in my life.

My biggest fear when I was pregnant was getting post natal depression. Depression has effected me in the past and normally I find I start sinking into depths when something significant changes in my life.

After James was born I watched for the signs and as the months went on things seemed ok, honestly looking back I think those 1st 6 months are actually a daze of craziness learning to cope with this little bundle you suddenly have.

I'm not sure what I expected but I certainly didn't and haven't taken to motherhood like I thought I would or even hoped I would. I'm quite a selfish person and like having my own space and suddenly I had this little baby who didn't know anything I/we had to teach him everything. 

Christmas came and went and suddenly I felt like I'd been hit by this massive fog, couldn't quite see though it, couldn't take anything in. I made the brave decision and talked to the health visitor at James's 6 month review, she suggested talking to my doctor. Talking to the DR was hard after a conversation we decided that I should be put on antidepressants (Sertraline 50mg) and also be referred to talking therapies. 

I have to say it took a good month for the Sertraline to kick in and suddenly I felt like the fog was lifting. Since January I have had some crazy months, James started nursery and I started back at my job which turned out to be very stressful. Within all of that I got though the referral for Talking Therapies and attended the 1st session a 1:1 meeting. 

Um how can I describe that meeting, well I was left with an action plan and this chart thing I had to fill in when I felt things were getting too much. To add to all this my maternity cover was still there so I had to share my job with a bloke that I didn't particularly like or have any respect for. So I decided that at that time talking therapies wasn't for me. 

Now 5 months on I've started feeling more back to my normal self again, my maternity cover has finally left and things at work are a little less crazy. I've seemed to have got into a good routine with James so things are finally starting to look ok. Oh bar the fact I have pretty much chronic back pain and pain down my left leg and the Sertraline has made developed twitches when I'm really tired but bar that i'm ok. Because of the twitches I've made the decision to start coming off the little white pill, I'm doing this by 1st reducing my dose at 1st by 1/2 each day then taking 1/2 every other day. (Please note I spoke to my DR before I took this route and this is what we decided was best) Soon I will stop them all together and hope that I feel ok. I won't be scared to go back on them though if need be.

I have definitely been lucky having only a mild case of PND. Tablets have helped me but they might not help everyone. You need to find what works for you but know you're never alone out there, there are women all across the world who suffer with PND and are happy to talk about it.