When's the time to think about more children?

Something got me thinking today about my embro's I have on ice.

I kidda already know I don't want more children because:

1) I'm not sure we can afford another child. I would much rather have one child and give him the best possible life than have two and struggle**.  I have to work in order to help pay the mortgage and bills, then I have to pay nursery fees which are reasonable for me for one child as J will attend 3 days a week but to have to pay for 2 well we couldn't afford that really as we're not entitled to any kinda of help of the government, which is fair enough, hubby and I would have to pay all the fees until the term after their 3rd birthday when they would then be entitled to the free 15 hrs that every child gets. We can of course both get childcare vouchers through work which is a scheme where you can get a voucher for childcare unto £240 each tax fee every month. But also I also want to have a nice life i.e go on nice holidays and buy nice things is this selfish of me? Possibly!

2) I'm not sure I could go through being pregnant again. I know by all accounts I had a pretty normal pregnancy bar the back pain but that differently wasn't fun at times and I know I will have back problems for the rest of my life (not from the pregnancy as I had a pre-exsiting problems beforehand). Also there is no guarantee what the next pregnancy would be like.

3) I'm not sure I could go through birth again. I know I'd probably have an elective c section and if it wasn't offered I would differently want one but could I cope with that again? I know I would be more prepared but still it scares the crap out of me. I'm still traumatised but the whole event now. I know it's only been 5 weeks but I think somethings you just don't get over. A bit like the IVF egg collection. 

4) I'm not sure I could go through IVF again. I so admire all the ladies that have done it more than once, how you cope mentally I will never know. We were VERY lucky that it worked 1st time but there is no guarantee that would happen again and mentally i'm not sure if I could go through all that again as well as having a little one. I know that it would be slightly different doing a frozen transfer rather than starting again but then there is no guarantee that I would be able to do a frozen transfer as we only have 2 embro's. It's a whole rollercoaster ride I'm just not ready to get back on. Not only is there the whole emotional side to it but there is also the financial side as well. You're talking a good £1500 for a frozen transfer which at least is better then the odd £6000 needed for ICSI. I know that technically we could get pregnant naturally too but then there is no guarantee of this either and I remember I got caught up in the whole natural process before so that was a whole other emotional rollercoaster !

But bar all this am I actually prepared come September to say to Oxford we don't want to carry on with the storage of our embro's? They are potentially J's brother or sisters? I suppose what I have to think is that I would actually only have 1 more child so technically I would possibly always have to say goodbye to one of them. I know the choice would never be mine about which one we use. Also then there is no guarantee that either would survive the defrosting process and if I went down this road how would I feel? Then on top of all this we would have to decided how long we wanted to keep them for. If we decide to keep them we will have to pay for storage of them and that's about £1000 a year! 

I know I have a good 3 months to decide but I know that will come around soon enough and will I be ready then to decide and if i'm not then what do we do? Do we pay for storage just incase?

I know I can't make this decision by my self, there will be a conversation with hubby at some point. What I do need to consider is what he wants. He started down the whole IVF/ICSI process because he knew how much I wanted a child and without him agreeing we wouldn't have J, so it wouldn't be fair of me to deny him of another child.

But when is the right time to think about more children??

One things for sure I am blessed everyday for my little miracle James.

**Please note this post is my personal views and I know lots of people who have more than one child and manage.

As always thanks for taking the time to read 

V x